Sadness

I have to admit, I've been putting off this post. It's hard to write about things that are so fresh you still hear the echos of them in your sleep.

This has been a hard week for me.

Usually, I would gloss my pain over with some comment about how everything will be okay and that positivity will pull you through...or how wonderful I am. Usually I would do that. But right now, I can't.

I had two very dear friends lose the life they used to know, and it's shaken me a little.

On Saturday, I got a call that my friend's house was--at that moment--burning to the ground. My other friends and I rallied and went to see how we could help. I couldn't look at the house. I knew the memories were burning with it. I was glad that I got to see my friend and tell her how sad I was for her loss, but I couldn't look at the house.

While there, one of my other friends received a call that her husband had been in a Power Parachute accident. We rushed her home and waited with her, hoping he would be okay. He wasn't. That night, she learned her husband had passed from the injuries he sustained. This time, I couldn't stop looking. I couldn't believe something like this could happen to someone I love. I couldn't believe she was going to have to deal with this as young as she was.

And I refused to sleep. For days.

Because when people we love are hurting, we are hurting. And no matter what you do, you can't change their pain and loss. It's a very helpless feeling that sticks with you no matter how hard you try to shake it off.

It's not always easy to see the bright side and this is one of those times. So right now I am giving myself to permission to feel down for a while. I'm giving myself permission to cry a lot more than I normally would. And I'm giving myself permission to be angry that such horrible things can happen to such wonderful people.

In the end, that is what makes us human. The spectrum of emotions we face in our lifetime are essential to the human experience. The bad things teach us something about ourselves and the things we prize above all else. And isn't that what we are all here for...to learn, to love, and create connections with the people around us?

I think so, too.

So to those two dear friends from my writing group, know that I am thinking about you, praying for you, and hurting for your loss. I love you.