What I've Written About

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

D is for DOH!



I am an educated person. I have a bachelor's degree and have taken millions of classes on reading and writing. It's what I do. I teach teachers how to be better at reading and writing. So I've always kind of assumed my brain was big…LIKE THIS… And yet…

Even with all of that…

I AM STILL AN IDIOT MOST OF THE TIME.

See, I don't mean to, but many times I set myself up for embarrassment.

My brain just doesn't think in a logical way. It thinks in a "how-can-I-make-this-as-hard-as-possible" way. I've always gotten excellent grades, scored above average on the SAT and IQ tests, and could ace any test. HOWEVER, when it comes to just surviving in the normal, everyday world"… brilliance escapes me.

Lest you don't believe me, let me just give one example of why I sure am glad that Homer Simpson coined the phrase "DOH!" so that they could add it to the dictionary and I could use it to show what an idiot I am.

The other night, I was laying in bed watching television (something I do before going to sleep every night), when I "thought" I saw a little black speck out of the corner of my eye. I got nervous and sat up straighter. Because, you see, I have an teensy, tiny fear of mosquitoes being in my room at night. I mean, they suck your blood. Doesn't that kind of freak you out a little too? Pretty soon, I start to relax again and kind of forget about the black dot. That is until I hear the unmistakable high-pitched whine of an actual mosquito. So I sit up and swat around my head a couple of times and bury myself in my covers so it won't bite me on my beautiful-non-marred-by-a-mosquito-bite face.

I listen to see if it is still close.

Silence.

After a minute of not hearing anything, I get out of the covers and relax.

Suddenly, the high-pitched whine is back.

Closer this time.

So I wave my hands around my face and in the air to frighten it. Once again, no noise at all. Then a second later, I hear it again.

AND I FREAK OUT.

I jump up and start swinging my arms wildly around, swishing and swishing to displace the air currents and maybe fling it as far from my body as I can. It is while I am in the midst of doing this, that I hear it again.

This time to the side.

And I locate the sound.

And THIS…

Is what I find… On VIBRATE.
And this is how my brain feels now.
DOH!

Please tell me you feel the same way sometimes. Please. Please. Please.

What "DOH!" Moments have you had? I must hear them in order to feel better about myself. :-)

Link up to Alphabe-Thursday…HEREJenny Matlock


And play along.

Oh, and don't forget to link up here... http://writingbycandlelight.blogspot.com/ to read about little old me and be entered into a giveaway. :-)

23 comments:

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I think that the keywords were getting ready to go to sleep. I don't always think clearly then either. Glad it wasn't a fly.

mle said...

Hahaha - how timely!
It's homecoming week at the HS & at the 11th hour *literally 11:30 last night* she decided she wanted to generate a decal to iron on her shirt for dress up day today. We pulled out the packet but could only find the instructions in French & Spanish. So we guessed a lot! But my shining moment came when she placed the decal wrong.side.up on her shirt and I almost ironed it to... my iron! DOH!
happy thursday : )

Gattina said...

Hahaha ! I can only tell you that could have happened to me too ! Fortunately brains are not judged by weight, lol !

Christy said...

I often say I have sometimers - some of the time I am on and some of the time I am just an idiot. Ask my kids, they have tons of stories!! You are not alone!

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Pretty stinking funny!

I can certainly relate...

Kristina P. said...

OK, that is hilarious. It's OK, you're a blond. :)

Jo said...

Oh honey, I am the queen of Doh! no logic here ... unless it's a standardized test, I can rock those ... but yeah ... real common sense ... not so good at that ... on the other hand, it keeps life interesting ...

Jingle said...

that's cute.

Cheryl said...

Funny stuff. Ain't technology a great leveler?

Judie said...

Hey! I think I know you!! Were you in the womb with me? I'm sure of it because we are just alike!!

H said...

HA! Brilliant. That is so funny :D

Never catch me doing something so DOH-ish :p

alisonmillerwoods said...

That is hysterical!-Doh! is perfect for "D". I do the same thing when mosquitoes are around though. Thanks for sharing!

Ames said...

Welcome to my world. I just pray people aren't watching. LOL ~Ames

One of my moments: http://rivahchick.blogspot.com/2010/09/do-things-like-this-happen-to-you.html

Stop by my AlphabeThursday post here:
http://rivahchick.blogspot.com/2010/10/alphabethursday-d-is-for-dear-diary.html

Stef said...

Okay. That is so hilarious!!! Haha. How were you supposed to know...

A 2 Z said...

Great! Well done! Very entertaining! New follower!

Anne-Marie

Jo Schaffer said...

Oh, I NEVER have "doh" moments...mine are more like WTFrk moments.

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

haha... I have way too many "Doh" moments! Too cute! I am still catching up to all the lovely visits from my last 2 or 3 past posts...(vacations are awesome...but I am a wee bit behind). Thank you sooo much for stopping by. And please come back any time.

Blessings & Aloha!
Oh, here is one of those "Doh" moments, that my family loves to remind me of... I love candles, so would light them up...one day a friend came over...I let her in. As we were talking, I had an itch on the side of my nose. Immediately, I get alarmed and say "Hey! Do you smell something burning???"....well...after a bit looking around, thinking something reallly smells bad....I was the only one who noticed the smell...as I was still scratching my nose...I realized it was the "sulphur smell" from the matches that I used to light my candles right before she came over. ..."Doh!"

Florida Girl Meets the Midwest said...

LOL. I have these moments all the time. More than I care to admit to.

Jenny said...

Since I am the teacher and teacher's never, ever do silly things I can honestly say I cannot relate to this post...whatsoever.

Ha.

That was funny.

Hahaha!

Oh girl, we could drink several pitchers of margaritas and tell d'oh stories 'til the cows come up.

But since it's only 11 am here and a bit early for liquor I'll just say...

Loved this stop on Alphabe-Thursday.

You totally made me laugh.

And I really enjoy the way you write.

A+

Write Chick said...

Thanks for the High Grade Jenny! Now my brain feels a little larger.

Yay Me!

Elana Johnson said...

LOL! You're not the only one to do stupid things like this, trust me. I could bore with a story of my own, but I won't.

Lola Sharp said...

I'm new here. *waves* Nice to meet you. I came from Jo's blog. :)

And, YES, I do plenty o' stupid/small brained things...daily.

~Lola

Susan said...

Yes I think we all have moments like that, my youngest daughter definitely does of the verbal kind, we have affectionately dubbed them "Amandaisms"

As an MRI technologist I can tell you that this homer scan has been around a long time, and in every imaging place or hospital i have ever worked or did my clinical hours in, this was hanging up!

Since I have been disabled since 2005, it was fun to see it again :)
Thanks, Susan