What I've Written About

Thursday, January 20, 2011

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends with Oscar the Grouch

Oh sure, you looks all nice and cute and fuzzy in this picture. But we all know better, don't we?
I'm doing a double link-up today…and this double link-up is going to be awesome! Just you wait. Link up at these two sites. Mama's Losin' It and:Jenny Matlock

The Writer's Workshop prompt was "10 Reasons Why I could Never Be Friends With…" and AlphabeThursday's Letter of the Week is 'O' as in Oscar.
Not only am I psyched that this post will work for both, BUT I seriously could never be friends with Oscar the Grouch. This might be surprising to SOME people who know me…okay a lot of people who know me. However, it is totally true.
(And for the record, I'm 'SNARKY' not 'GROUCHY'. J Okay? Moving on…)
So why couldn't I be friends with Oscar?
Here are my reasons counting down.
10) He is dirty.
I don't do dirty. Yes, my house can be a complete wreck sometimes. Yes sometimes (all the time) the breakfast dishes sit in the sink for a whole day. And Yes, you wouldn't want to look in the junk drawer between my fridge and stove. However, I don't enjoy my house being dirty. And it makes me grumpy to live in filth.

       9) He's green
I so don't look good in green. It is a horrible color for my complexion. Even standing next to him would make me look bad…and I can't have that.

      8) He hangs with animals.
Not a pet person myself. Can't stand pets in my home. Sorry to all you dog and cat lovers out there, but blegh, I hate them. I also hate when I go to someone's house and their dog or cat climb all over me. You might love them, but I don't! Tell them to get away from me. J

     7) He hangs with monsters.
Check out my earlier post about monsters in my closet and this will be very self explanatory.

     6) He is sarcastic
I'm sarcastic. That makes us too much alike. It would always be a competition who could be the most sarcastic. We would fight about it all the time… you get the picture.

     5) He lives in garbage.

     4) He lives on Sesame Street
Some people might think this is a plus, but I don't. First of all, Sesame Street is too happy. I can not go smiling about my day all the time. Second of all, there is too much emphasis placed on counting and saying the alphabet. I just want to walk down the street, I don't want to have to count my steps as I do it, and I don't want to have to constantly say things like, "I am buying a can of Tuna. What letter does Tuna start with?"

     3) His best friend is a worm named Slimey
Uh, no explanation needed. Worms are disgusting.
     2) He has a girlfriend names Grundgetta that he can only stand half of the time.
Ever been friends with someone in a rocky relationship? Not fun! All you ever get to talk about is their horrible relationship, and though you wish you could just tell them to either shut up or dump the loser, you can't, because you're trying to be a nice friend. AND…you never dare say anything bad about the significant other because the next day they'll love them again and hate you for saying something rude about their one true love. Ugh, I don't even want to go there with Oscar.


     1) He is way too negative!
I'm sarcastic, yes. I see irony in many parts of life. BUT I am not a negative person. I generally look at life through rose-colored glasses and find the weird things people do funny. I don't believe in looking at the dark side of things all the time. I can't stand complainers. And I think it is perfectly okay to love yourself and others. In general, I'm a pretty optimistic person and those kinds of people bring me down into their pit of despair.

If you are one those people…Like OSCAR THE GROUCH…can I just say a couple of things to you that I wish I could say to negative people in real life but never have the guts to?
Why do you sit around complaining about your miserable job? It DOESN'T change anything. If you hate it so much, then quit and find a different job. If you can't quit, then figure out at least one positive thing you get from that job. Being depressed and miserable never changes your circumstances. It just makes everyone want to stay away from you. In a world where most of what a grown-up has to do is a non-choice, it won't help you to complain. The only thing we all (EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH) have is the ability to control our attitude.

No one thinks it's awesome to hang around with a Debbie Downer all day. Period. End of Story!

So, sorry OSCAR. (And all who are in competition with him to see who can be the most negative).
I could never be friends with you.

Who could you never be friends with?


Kristina P. said...

This post was awesome! Yeah, I'm jaded, but not really negative or pessimistic.

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Love it, I think my boyfriend is becoming Oscar, cranky, negative and messy...hummm...maybe it's time for a new bf? I'm just sayin....

Su-sieee! Mac said...

Some people are grouchy cause they're in pain. Maybe Oscar broke his leg or something after he fell into the garbage can. It atrophied and that's why he can't get out. He just doesn't know how to ask for help.

Jen said...

I love green and animals....but I'm with you on all the rest.
Cute double link up!
Visiting from alphabe-Thursday.

Judie said...

OUr daughter bought a Tickle Me Elmo for our dogs! I love Elmo!

mub said...

Hah, I'd probably get on quite well with Oscar I think. We could have competitions about who is grumpier somedays *L*

Jenny said...

What an outrageously cute link to Alphabe-Thursday.

I'm with you! Oscar would never be my choice of friends. Maybe cookie monster (I suspect he'd have a lot of excess cookies laying around!) or possibly even Miss Piggy...(she would make me look slimmer possibly!)

Thanks for the smile!


Jo Schaffer said...

Sooo with you on all this. (=

Anonymous said...

Hey, I am checking this blog using the phone and this appears to be kind of odd. Thought you'd wish to know. This is a great write-up nevertheless, did not mess that up.

- David