What I've Written About

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Does This Manuscript Make My Butt Look Big?

There are several things I've learned since becoming a writer.
1. Sometimes less is more (usually most of the time).
2. Characters have more than just eyes and a face.
3. It's okay to break grammar/usage rules to get a point across.
4. Prologues are somehow a no-no (who knew?)
5. Just because a character is something doesn't mean they always have to act like it.
6. Your a** grows in congruence with your manuscript.

Yes, I said it. I swear that every page written adds another piece of cellulite to the butt and thighs.

Before I started writing, this was me:

After a year and half, this is me:

Okay, so neither one are actually ME. But you get the idea. I swear it is scientifically accurate. I wonder if I measured the height of all the pages I've written and compared it to the growth of my bedonkadonk if it would be in proportion? I might have to do that some time. (Add to list of experiments I'd like to try)

I guess my hang up with all of this is balance. I am a full time mom and I have a full time job. This writing thing is consuming every extra ounce of free time I possess. It's amazing to me, because I truly love writing, but a small part of me resents it for taking my life away. It has given me one more full time job. The only problem? I don't get paid for it.

All right--RANT OVER! Time to look on the bright side. Some things that I've realized since becoming a writer.

a) Running Sucks! I've forced myself to go out and do it for ten months now . . . and I HATE IT! It never gets easy. In fact, if it does get easy, you aren't trying hard enough. I finally have a reason to quit. I don't have time for it! Thanks manuscript for saving me on that one.

b) My kids can sleep just about anywhere. Really. I'm not lying. Since I began this journey into the world of words, I've found my kids in some really weird places. In front of the bathroom door, sticking out of my closet, in the corner between the bed and the dresser--Completely ASLEEP. I don't know how they do it, but it works for them and we're going with it.

c) Hardly anyone cares about writing, EXCEPT writers. Since I've come out of the "Writing Closet" and admitted that I dabble in novels, everyone asks me about it. However, not a freakin one really cares that I used this verb instead of that one, or made a character with a unique flaw. THEY DON'T CARE. And that's all good. That's what "Writing Friends" are for.

d) My brain does not work like the majority of people. I can't look at a person, a place, or a story in the newspaper without wondering what's behind it. That weird guy at Walmart who sings really loud to himself. Hmmm...I wonder what's up with him? Maybe he was kidnapped my aliens! That old building in my semi-new subdivision, why is it there? Perhaps a secret society meets there on the weekends! (You see what I'm saying) Every conversation overheard becomes a page in a book in my mind.
For most people this is called PSYCHO! To other writers? CREATIVE!

Yes, my rear might get larger until I figure out how to balance the creative juices and the nectar of life, but I can deal. Because I know someday, someone, somewhere is going to publish my book, and someday, someone, somewhere is going to read it. So until then, I'm going to pull up my size 50 pants proudly. Because. . .



Creepy Query Girl said...

Lol- My dream is to be a full time writer. By then my arse will probalby take up the whole couch! And I can completely relate to the 'nobody cares' commentary. Thank god for blogging writers. They're the only ones who make me feel just a little bit sane. Or at least, in god company:)

Jennee said...

I work on editing my novel when I have a day off. One week, I didn't move for like 6 hours. My butt was as flat as a pancake. Now, I get up and walk around after every couple pages, do a few squats and then go back to editing.
Great post!

Meika said...

Ahh, Writer's Butt. It's a horrible affliction -- but totally worth it!

Laura Marcella said...

Lol, great post, and so true! I exercise nearly every day and stretch a lot. So far I'm avoiding the writer's booty! (I think. Maybe I'm delusional. I hear that's catching among writers.)

Laura Marcella said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Write Chick said...

I like that idea of doing squats inbetween pages. Everything will be better when Summer hits. I actually have time for the all the fun things I don't get to do when school is in session.

Kristina P. said...

I have the dreaded TV butt.

Claudine 'Nino' Parks said...

Size 50 pants! OMG, thanks for the laugh of the day!

Jojomama said...

I saw you running today! Bravo!
I'm combatting my writer's butt by going raw vegan for a while. (=

NaTahsha Ford said...

Good stuff! I HAVE no booty (a fact lamented by my husband) by no worries my manuscript has given me muffin tops, which look oddly out of proportion spilling over my nothing-to-grab-butt.

Write Chick said...

Haha Tahsh! That's hilarious. At least it's just muffins and not whole loaves of bread like mine.

I did go running yesterday. 3 miles. Ran the whole time. Very proud of me. :-)

loislane said...

My manuscript weight gain has now moved from my butt to my gut and it's inching down my old lady swinging arms. HELP!

angie said...


I want to be able to say that as well. For now I'm just a "play" writer. :)

The Urban Cowboy said...

I don't like to run either...unless it's from something that wants to eat me!

Stacia said...

Mine is more like Writer's Block Butt ... Because when the words aren't flowing, I hit the M&Ms! =>

Mark and Kiss said...

Ha ha ha! Awesome, just popped over from Jojo's blog and got a kick out of your humor.