What I've Written About

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Fifteen Years of Wedded Something.

Yesterday was my fifteen year anniversary. Count it--the big-- 1-5. And sometimes it amazing me that we created a whole family.

Now I always read blog posts where people go on...and on...and on...and on...and on...

about how fabulous their husband is. How it has been "so many" wonderful years. How they don't know what they would do without their husband.


Blah. Blah. Blah.


Don't get me wrong. I Love My Husband.


I just don't like my husband every second, of every day, of every week, of the year. Sometimes I get really mad at him, and even though I love him, I don't like him very much.


I actually think that we really "pull the wool over" single people's eyes. Don't you think that those of us who are married should tell them that marriage is freaking hard? That you have to make sacrifices A LOT? That once you have kids it is SOOOO MUCH harder? That almost every day you have to compromise about something? That you can't be a selfish jerk and make a marriage work?





You don't think we should tell them?





Well... me either!




BUT, I digress.




Even with ALL of That...




Anniversaries are times to focus on why we married this crazy person in the first place, and why we are still married to them.




Not very long ago, I actually had a friend who is contemplating getting married ask me how I knew that my husband was "THE ONE." And to be honest, I hadn't thought about it in such a long time, that I had to pause for a moment and really think. Why did I marry him? How did I know he was the person I wanted to hang out with...well...forever?




And This is what I came up with...



When I met my husband, John (*note: not his real name), I was "sort of" in love with someone else. We started hanging out and dating because this person I liked was off in another country for a couple of years.



It was all just innocent and "friendsy" at first. (Not that there weren't those 'friends-with-benefits' kind of moments). I could talk to him for hours. He would take me to nice restaurants and movies. And we went on FUN dates where we went skiing or sledding or to comedy clubs. Because I liked this other person, it was EASY for Me to be ME.



And then I started realizing I LIKED JOHN (*note: not his real name). As in...liked him, liked him.



HOWEVER, I had a history with this other guy, and I wasn't sure what I wanted. Then John (*note:not his real name) PROPOSED. And I said "yes."



BUT it wasn't real 'yes.' It was a 'yes' that you say because-you-don't-really-know-what-else-to -say 'yes'. It was a FAKE 'YES.'



Well, pretty soon dates were set, and people were invited, and dresses were getting chosen, and.... I WAS TERRIFIED.



Was I doing the right thing? What about this 'other guy' that I thought I loved before? Was I getting married for the wrong reasons? Would I marry him and then wish that I had married 'other guy?'



So I told John (*note: not his real name). And I gritted my teeth and waited for him to be furious.

.

.

.

.

.

ONLY... He Wasn't.



He was understanding and kind. And he told me that he loved me anyway, and that he would let me choose whatever I wanted. And he would be happy for me.



AND THAT IS HOW I KNEW.



Yes, we do have our ups and downs. The rollercoaster of marriage is alive and well in my house. But I still remember why I chose him. And as long as I can remember that...



Then Everything Will Always Be Okay.
*Sorry about the sappiness. I'm allowed that every once in a while, right?

4 comments:

Kristina P. said...

What a great story! I definitely knew Adam was the one before I even knew I loved him. And it scared the crap out of me!

Angela M. said...

Awwww! I so know about the ups and downs. My 15 is coming in January. The movies and romances lie a lot. Most of the time it's not how you think it'll be, but I guess we do need to let the single people figure it out on their own. I think if people really knew how hard it was, maybe they wouldn't get married so often ;)

Lois D. Brown said...

1. Love your picture. Love it.
2. Very insightful prose
3. Even if we told single people they wouldn't believe us.
4. I think you're awesome and congrats on 15 years.

Dana @ Bungalow'56 said...

Wow! Quite the pickle you got yourself into there. I always tell my girls they have to really like "the one" and respect who they are as a person, plus hold similar value/beliefs. Its just one less thing you have to compromise over. Once that is covered then they can consider romance. I know, I know, like they'll listen to that. I can try though can't I?
Dana
PS and they have to be willing to do windows : )